Just as you are
by Malice the Hatteress
Summary: Alice finally returns and Hatter finds that he may be in love with her. But hadn't she once said that she didn't enjoy bieng around mad people? How shall Hatter unmadify himself?
1. a large bird and a fit of madness

**Title: **Just as you are

**Authoress: **Malice the Hatteress

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Alice in Wonderland, nor do I own the Hatter…tragic, isn't it?

**Rating: **T for Tea, Tweedles, Toves, and other miraculous wonderlandish things that I cannot think of at the moment!

**Chapter one: **Mysteriously large bird and a terrible fit of madness

"Hatter! Hatter!" I heard two familiar voices call out.

I looked up from my usual place at Thackery's old tea table to see the two Tweedles running frantically in my direction. Setting my teacup down, I shot up from my chair and walked around the table to meet where they were now standing. They were breathing quite heavily as though they had just barely escaped a near-death experience with the now most frumious bandersnatch. The reason I say 'now' is due to the fact that ever since Alice had left Underland, there was no one here to tame the savage animal. Not even the White Queen herself! And that is most puzzling to everyone who knows about Miranas most miraculous way of taming animals. The animals love her so very dearly, they do. Miranas...most…miraculous… That happens to be three entire M words in a row! Perhaps I am finally regaining my muchness! Oh! There goes another one! I am on quite a role today!…Mmm…m…ma…why…is a raven like a writing desk?…Why…is a _raven_ like a…wait just a moment! I am absolutely sure I was doing something earlier! Oh yes! that's right! I was telling a story, wasn't I? Focus! Hatter, focus! You have all eternity to wonder why…a raven…NO! Stop! If you continue on like this, you shall never finish the story! Or remember it for that matter!

Anyways…continuing on…

The Tweedles clearly had been through something most unusual…though I waited patiently for them to catch their breath so that I might know what all the fuss was about.

"H-Hatter! A golden, blue bird…h-has just fallen amongst the mushroom forest, it has!" gasped Tweedle Dee. "It was a truly large bird!"

"Contrariwise! It was an utterly gigantic bird, it was!" corrected Tweedle Dum.

"What matters it how we put it? It was huge! Stupendously ENORMOUS!" argued Tweedle Dee, making a wide range of motion with his arms to express what he had seen.

"Boys, boys! Settle down! Now, what exactly did this bird look like?" I asked them, causing the Tweedles to stare open-mouthed at me as though they couldn't believe what they were hearing.

"We just told you, we did! Big, stupendously large bird! Gold and blue! A very beautiful bird, though its size faltered any chance of us thinking it to be friendly!" said Tweedle Dum.

His statement had caused me to think it over a bit…pushing my silly riddles aside for the moments time.

"Blue and gold? Did it happen to have any wings?" I asked them, questioning their logic on whether the bird was a bird….or perhaps it might have been…no…it couldn't have been…If Alice were here…it just wasn't a logical way of thinking. Not at all…not that I am one to talk, being one who's thoughts are incessantly slanted in the direction of illogical reasoning.

"Yes!…No!…Maybe! We aren't quite sure, Hatter…now that I think of it…aren't a birds wings supposed to be the color of the rest of itself?" asked Tweedle Dee in the direction of his twin.

"Indeed, you are right! A bird isn't a bird without feathers either…did you see any feathers, Dee?"

"Not in the slightest, Dum!" answered his twin.

My eyes widened and I felt as though a bristling Absolem was wriggling in the pit of my stomach…could it really have been her? It had to have been!

"My dear boys! My silly Tweedles! That is no bird! That is Alice! Alice, I tell you!" I shouted, expressing my overwhelming joy and resisting the urge to futterwacken most vigorously…though I quite horribly failed and ended up doing so anyway.

"Callooh! Callay! She's returned! She's returned! I knew she would! I just knew she would! Terribly late, but here nonetheless!" I nearly sang these words, stopping my most celebrational futterwackening in order to compose myself. I tipped my hat back into place and cleared my throat, grinning the most grinniest of grins in all of Underland as I looked down at the Tweedles who were staring open-mouthed at me as though I were gallymoggers…guilty as charged.

The Tweedles began whispering things that sounded strangely like: "Oi! He's regained his muchness, he has, Dum!"

"Contrariwise, his _muchness_ regained its muchness, Dee!"

"Though wouldn't he need his muchness for his muchness to gain its muchness? Your logicalness makes no sense! No how!"

"Anyways! The muchness seems to have came back once Alice had returned!" murmured Dee.

Ignoring the pleasure it gave me to see so many M words in a sentence, I furrowed my brows at them and crouched down to their level, sending the most cautious of expressions that I could muster towards the two.

"listen here, you two…Alice is most certainly not the cause for my muchness." I murmured.

"But sir! You haven't futterwackened until quite recently!" argued Dee.

Suddenly Dum's confused expression melted into a blank one…and then to one that looked quite mischievous…and the next thing that he whispered into Dum's ear had proved it so very well.

Dum began chuckling so very violently and I began to wonder if he too had become mad. We could have very well used another mad member of our little (much less frequent) tea parties.

To my dismay, he wasn't mad at all…

Instead he looked up at me as though he had just found out every little thing about me within the second.

"You may be right, Dee! Perhaps he _does_ fancy Alice!" he said as he began his merciless chuckling. I was so very close to picking up the nearest teapot and hurling it at him at high speed.

"I most certainly do not!" I told them in the firmest tone possible…I could feel a light blush creep up my cheeks and I tried to deny the fact that my face was incredibly pale which made the Tweedles able to single it out immediately.

Dum and Dee looked at me with looks of most I-don't-believe-youness.

I crouched down lower, feeling my madness slowly beginning to take hold.

"Tweedles, oh…silly nonsensical Tweedles…do you remember the mome raths that I helped you capture and lead away from your snud and queast tree?" I asked them in a kind tone…but a slight hint of this-can't-be-goodness could be heard dripping from it.

"Oh, yes! We do remember! We do so thank you very much for helping us rid ourselves of those mucky swine!" said Dee, Dum nodded in agreement.

I smirked and continued my little idea that was sure to take them off the subject.

"Yes, well…have you any idea where I put them once I led them away?" I asked them.

"No, sir! Where?" they asked me and my smirk became a wide grin.

"You see, Tweedles, I hadn't gotten rid of them at all! They are in the back area of my house and I have been feeding them as much as possible! They are most terribly large now!" I told them. I most certainly could have summoned an evil laugh as I saw how pale their chubby faces had gotten.

"Unless you wish for me to bring them back, you will skedaddle." I warned them, and without a moments shilly-shallying, they fled from the tulgey ruins.

Smiling in victory, I stood up and brushed myself off and headed off into the direction of the mushroom forest, wishing to see this…'bird'.

The walking all the way from the tulgey ruins all the way over to the mushroom forest took much longer than what I had anticipated it to be…I feared that Alice would leave and I wouldn't get to see whether this Alice was the Frabjous day champion, Underlands hero or just another different, muchless Alice who would indiscriminately follow Mctwisp into Underland and cause trouble. A thought occurred to me for a moment and I wondered if I should attempt to kill time on the way there, that perhaps he might take offense and stop altogether like he had done once before…which forced Chessur, Mallymkun, Thackery, as well as myself into a perpetual teatime. But then it occurred to me that he was only able to stop himself and not the people of which he is controlling himself for…so Alice would still leave and it would still be brillig. I would be forced to endure brillig forever whilst being Alice-less.

So I thought against that and continued on, dodging the most slithiest of toves and just barely avoiding the most mimsy of the borogroves. Most mimsy…Ah hah hah! Two M words in a row! I feel my muchness returning to me by the minute!…I do believe that their were at least four M words in that sentence…oh my, once again I am loosing control of what I say…anyways…I had finally reached a clearing where I could see the tops of the mushrooms. So very colorful and magical…perhaps the wise cater- I mean butterfly, Absolem would be sitting amongst his mushroom, reading his most miraculous oraculum! Good heavens, I must get used to the fact that he is no longer a caterpillar…butterflies take great offense to being called what they once were but aren't any longer, you know. And I shall simply ignore the fact that there were in fact three M words in that sentence…good heavens! I just acknowledged it whilst I was trying to ignore it at the same time! I'm quite irritated now…though a part of me is slightly impressed…What is the Hatter with me? I can't even tell a story without…oh dear…anyway…

Luckily, I didn't have to go very far before I saw a girl with golden hair in a familiar blue dress with lace trimming sitting amongst a patch of flowers... which mumbled disapprovingly to their stems being bent every which way.

I squinted my eyes just a tiny bit to see if it was her…our hero…and it was! She so very was! She was absolutely Alice! I'd know her anywhere!…though I couldn't quite understand why on earth the Tweedles could think that she were a bird…but I let that thought slip my mind as I stood behind the tallest mushroom, observing her carefully and trying not to blink for fear of her presence being merely a hallucination…a side-effect of my madness. I wanted to run to her…to meet her where she sat…but all I was able to do was stand behind my mushroom and peek around it, letting it sink in that _the _Alice had returned just as she had promised. I stood and marveled at how much she hadn't changed since we last saw each other. She looked exactly the same other than the fact that she still contained a fair amount of muchness. Although, from where I was standing, she seemed to be looking around as though she hadn't the slightest idea where she was. But as I squinted a bit more, I realized that a small smile graced her features, content as though she had just returned home after a long journey. It was then I realized that she _remembered_!

Of course, she would remember the _place_. She had been here twice before and it was only natural. After all, she had saved this world from a tyrannous queen by slaying the most fearsome jabberwocky which was about fifty times her size! How could one forget such a joyous day? But had she forgotten about everyone within Underland? Absolem…Thackery…Mirana…_myself_?

Before she left, not only had she made a promise to return, which she well fulfilled, but also assured me that she would remember me. Though the more that I had thought about her last time coming here, the more I had thought about the fact that she might not really have had a choice on what she was able to remember. Perhaps…from seeing that she clearly remembered coming here at that moment… a person might well regain their memory more and more each time they come to Underland.

I was pulled out of these thoughts when Alice looked in my direction. Gasping a little, I hid the rest of my peeking self, hoping she hadn't seen me…though the more I thought about the way her eyes met mine, the more I realized that she must have gotten a fair view of who I was.

I held my breath for a moment, only to have it caught in my throat as I heard footsteps coming in the direction of my mushroom…I found it quite odd that I feared coming in verbal contact with Alice. After all, I had been waiting decades for her return. But it only made sense that I should want to hide for fear of finding out that the Alice whom I had so very much looked up to had forgotten me entirely.

"Hello…is anyone there? I am quite certain I had seen someone behind this mushroom." said a familiar voice as she drew nearer. Oh, that voice! I had been longing to hear it for so long and now that I had, why I thought I could have most certainly gone mad…oops…wait…pardon me, I already have.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, hoping that she meant another mushroom, but as I opened my eyes, they met the crystal blue eyes of the one and only Alice. (well…not entirely, for there are many different Alice's although she happened to be the right one for the Jabberwock slaying)

I stared into them a while, feeling my heart fall into my stomach as her sweet voice murmured; "Hatter?…"

I stuttered for a while, trying to properly form my words as the shock and relief washed through my senses. "A-Alice? Dear girl…you remember me?…" I whispered. She suddenly beamed at me, and I felt the need to throw my arms around her, to see if she was truly real and wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

"Why, Hatter…I couldn't very well forget about my best friend!" she told me.

My eyes widened and I suddenly felt a wide grin spread across my features. I was suddenly taken aback when she threw her arms around me, burying her face in the crook of my neck. Her scent was intoxicatingly wonderful and I couldn't help but inhale it, to take it in deeply. It was my signification of her being absolutely real.

"Hatter…I have missed you so terribly much." she mumbled, tightening her grip around me.

I smiled and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, closing my eyes and sighing contently as I rested my head on top of hers.

"My dear Alice…you are terribly, terribly late…." I murmured, causing her to laugh softly in my ear, resulting in a most involuntary shiver coursing through my spine.

"Oh Tarrant, you haven't changed a bit, have you?" she mumbled as she released her arms from my waist and rested her hands against my chest.

"Contrariwise, I do believe I have changed quite a bit. You see, my muchness had completely vanished after you had left. I hadn't been able to do a proper futterwacken since!" I assured her, pulling away from her slightly so I could see her a bit more properly.

"But _you_, Alice…why, you're as muchier as I have ever seen you! I should think that even your muchness has gained muchness!" I finished, causing her eyes to widen as though it hadn't made sense to her at all.

"But Hatter…the last time I came here I apparently had no muchness at all!" she told me.

"Yes, well…you've done excellently well on keeping it through the amount of time you had been gone." I said as I pushed back a stray lock of hair from her face. Stupid hair…always did try and block those beautiful eyes from my viewing. Not that her hair isn't just as beautiful…her eyes are just a bit more enticing to look at.

"Well…at least the people here will except me a bit more now…" she muttered. Her voice was soft and self-conscious and I felt the need to severely injure myself as well as several others for telling her that she was hardly Alice due to lack of muchness before.

"My dear Alice! Why of course they are going to accept you! You had saved them from a most tyrannous ruler! And a most fearsome…jabberwocky…"

My eyes began to itch and hurt and I could tell that by what Mallymkun has told me, means that my eyes have changed from their usual crazed green to a dangerously gold-orange…and I was certain that my features looked just as sinister.

"A-Alice…W-why…is a raven…" my voice sounded broken and hard to force out….almost exactly what it had felt like. "Why…is a raven…like a w-writing desk?…writing desk…m…ma…" suddenly my vision became blurry and all that was once in front of me melted into that horrendous day when my family was attacked mercilessly by the terrifying jabberwocky…all I could see was flames and ash, gigantic wings that shielded the once blue sky from view…all was able to hear was screaming…crying…begging to be spared…my family…brothers…sisters…they were all…they were all…

Suddenly I could feel nothing but fear and guilt as I sat and watched my clan fall to ruins. I was able to do nothing about it. I wasn't able to move…it was as though I had went back in time and I was trapped there for eternity. I wanted so much to escape…I needed to get out of there! I needed to get out!

_Alice! ALICE! Say my name! Dear girl, SAY IT! Take me out of here! Help me! HELP ME!_ My mind screamed to the Alice that was masked behind this nightmare. I knew she was there, she just had to be. If she wasn't…there was nothing that could be done.

"Hatter!…HATTER!" I heard a faint voice call out through all the panic-filled, agonized cries. Suddenly the world I was standing in shattered like a broken glass and I was standing before a very worried Alice.

"Hatter!" she said once again as my eyes suddenly ceased of their itching pain. It wasn't too long before I realized that I was violently shaking and Alice's hands were resting on either sides of my face.

"Thank you, Alice…I am fine…" I murmured in the strongest voice I could make, though still, it sounded faint and shivery.

"Hatter, you look terrible." she informed me as she helped me walk over to a mushroom and had me sit there, sitting next to me after doing so.

As I tried to compose myself, Alice ran her fingers through my hair as though trying to comfort a scurrified child who had awoken from a dreadful nightmare…I suppose my predicament was almost the same.

"Hatter, what happened? Your madness took over…but it was even worse than before." she told me as she continued the calming stroking of my hair, almost making me wish to fall asleep…though I was certain that was a terrible idea.

"Alice…if you had any idea…" I whispered, trying to think of my silly riddles in place of what I had gone through earlier.

"Hatter…has this been happening often?" she asked me as I gave up on trying to stay unrelaxed, resting my head on her shoulder and closing my eyes contently, her hand never leaving my head…head…my head was without a hat. Where had my hat gone? Suddenly my head shot up from its place on her shoulder and my eyes darted about in search of a fallen top hat.

"Where is my hat?…Hat?…" I said as I just about jumped off the mushroom in search of my fallen hat before Alice unexpectedly placed it on my lap.

"Oh…thank you, Alice." I breathed as I held it to my chest and rested my head on her shoulder once again.

"Hatter…you still haven't answered my previous question. Have these bursts of rage been happening often?" she asked me as she rested her hand on my back and began rubbing gentle circles against it. Suddenly I felt much too childishly vulnerable. I was most certain that this was not proper behavior, though Alice seemed not to mind in the slightest.

"Well…yes…though they weren't as terrible. I have always been able to pull myself out of it. This one was just…" I trailed off as a shiver wracked my body.

Alice nodded. "Its alright, you don't need to tell me what happened." She said as she stood up from the mushroom. "I should think that you might want…_need_ rather, to have a cup of tea, Tarrant." she continued.

I smiled and nodded as I stood up, less shaky than before, and placed my hat firmly on my head as _I _followed _her_ out of the mushroom forest in the direction of Thackery's tea table.

She truly _did_ remember!

_End chapter_

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	2. Hatters confession and a transformation

**Disclaimer:** I sadly do not own Alice in Wonderland…or the adorable March hare and Hatter.

**Chapter 2:** A hole, A confession, and a transformation

Thackery nearly, and almost did…half-way wise fall out of his chair as he saw Alice and I approach the table.

"Ey! What in de name of flyin' teacups is that behin' ye, Tarrant?" he asked in his usual timid tone as his paws rung his ears anxiously.

I smiled at him and placed a hand on Alice's shoulder. "This, Thackery, is the Alice who saved Underland! The Alice!"

This time, Thackery _did_ fall off his chair.

"Thackery!" cried Alice.

She looked at me as though I was the cruelest madman in all of Underland when I didn't flinch or move at all to see if he was alright. But what she didn't know was that he was hovering a few inches from the ground, which frightened the poor March Hare even more so.

Alice seemed as though she were to fall limp with relief when she saw two familiar grey and blue-striped ears peeking out from behind him.

"Chessur! Thank heavens!" I heard Alice, as though she were planning on crying.

You see, normally, people would not be frightened of one of their good friends falling off of a normal everyday chair…in fact, they might even laugh their sadistic heads off at their small amount of pain. But, dearest Alice had a fair reason of her being worried sick. You see…apparently after fifteen years of Alice not returning, my muchness had left me entirely and so did my will for living, or so it felt that way. This worried Mallymkun and Thackery to the highest extent and they decided to dig an enormous hole whilst I was asleep at the tea table. When I woke up, I nearly fell into it myself! They explained that they were trying to reach her world…I appreciated the effort, I truly did. But incase they had forgotten…this is Underland, that is Upperland. But, all the same, that just shows how great they are of friends to me. In fact, they are such good friends to me that if someone or something even attempted to harm them in anyway, I just might eat those someones or somethings. It surely would be frowned upon by the White Queen…but rest assured, I would do it. …Oh, look at me! I'm shying away from our story again, aren't I?

"Well, Alice luv. I assume you remember us?" asked Chessur as he sat Thackery back in his chair. This puzzled me greatly due to the fact that Thackery was possibly five times his size. That cat is so incredibly strong, although he does not make it noticed…if only he would have stood by me at the Jabberwock attack…perhaps something could have been done…Anyway! Continuing on!

Alice simply gave him a weak smile, obviously still stressed over that one little incident.

"And Thackery…heavens, you must bury that hole before someone falls to a most untimely fate!" he warned him as he sat in the chair next to him.

"It weren't my fault! I've forgo'n it were even there!" Thackery answered, causing Chessur to roll his eyes in the utmost annoyance.

Suddenly we all heard a small click of a teapot opening its lid. "You're all Gallymoggers! Can't I get a moments rest before Thackery does something imbecilic?" asked a familiar voice.

"Oh! Terribly sorry, Mallymkun! We didn't realize that you were in there!" I assured her as I took Alice's hand and led her over to the chair next to mine.

Alice grinned a bit and reached over to scratch Mallymkun's ears. Thank heavens that poor girl received nothing more than an ear twitching from that savage mouse…normally if anyone other than Thackery or myself would even make the smallest attempt of touching her they would end up with one eye and a very unhappy Mally.

"Why, Mally! It's been such a long time!" said Alice as Mally climbed up and sat upon the ledge of the teapot…the size of the teapot was so incredibly large, why I couldn't help but think of how much she resembled Humpty Dumpty at that moment…but I pushed that thought out of my mind for the moments time and continued on with what I thought was necessary.

"Alrighty then! Thackery, I daresay you must get a shovel and bury that hole like Chessur says! You wouldn't want to almost fall again!" I warned him. Thackery nodded and moved as though he were about to hop out of his chair when he suddenly hesitated, pausing for a moment.

"Ay…there be a slight problem, Hatter. I haven't go' ta' shovel!" he argued.

I pondered this for a bit and my entire features lit up as I suddenly had an idea that I was terribly surprised at Thackery for not coming up with it himself!

"My dear friend! Use a spoon! You are really quite talented at maneuvering them!" I suggested, causing Thackery to nod most vigorously. "Aye, Tarrant! A spoon it be, then!" he cheerfully agreed as he snatched the nearest (as well as butteriest) spoon and hopped off of his chair in a hurry, disappearing behind his chair soon after where rapid sounds of digging could be heard in a short time.

Within five minutes he sat back down and Alice, Chessur, Mallymkun, and myself all peered over our places at the table to see where the once bottomless hole used to be. We all stared at it in astonishment as it wasn't there at all. It was completely covered. In that short of time!

"Now then! Where were we?" asked Thackery as he picked up a teacup that was entirely broken at the bottom and began sipping the little bit of tea that clung to the edges.

Alice's eyes grew wide as though she had suddenly remembered something and she took the nearest teapot that had tea in it, pouring it into the least damaged cup and placing it in front of me.

"Oh dear… I seemed to have forgotten why we were here in the first place, being terribly elated to see all of you." she said as she pushed it closer to me. I sent her a thankful glance and took a sip, instantly feeling much better than I had before.

"I already told you I am fine, Alice dear." I assured her as I took another sip.

"You weren't a good ten or twenty minutes ago, Tarrant." she argued as she shot me a disbelieving glance and took a sip of her own tea.

I sighed and hung my head, feeling as though I were being raised by my mother once again.

Mallymkun's eyes looked as though they were to fall out of their sockets after Alice's little remark.

"Hatter, what happened? Was it that bandersnatch again? I could give him a good stick in the eye with my pin if you'd like!" she offered as she hopped off of the teapot and scurried across the table, crawling up the sleeve of my coat and resting upon my shoulder.

"No, Mally. It wasn't the Bandersnatch…just another fit of madness, is all." I stated as I emptied the last remains of my tea into my mouth, thankful that I hadn't unintentionally spilt some on my clothing…or on Mally.

"Oh heavens, Hatter! Was it as bad as the other ones have been lately?" she asked.

"No…in fact, it was much, much worse than those little nothings…" I murmured, looking around to see that everyone had their attention drawn on me as though they were desperately awaiting the details. This was not a silly riddle…this was not a pleasant thing to share. So by all that is good and threadbare, I daresay I was not about to reveal my little havocish happening to the world. Not while I was still half-sane.

"Umm…I'd rather not talk about it." I'd murmured my answer, not too surprised as all the invited members of the tea party looked immensely disappointed with lack of detail…all except Alice, of course.

Suddenly, the usual circular mannerisms of my common sense ceased for that moment, reminding me that there was something that I _did_ wish to share…not in front of Alice though…she would have to leave. It was truly a pity, her just getting there and all.

"Alice, have you been 'round Absolem's home to say hello yet?" I asked her, my voice sounding a bit more anxious than I would have liked it to.

Alice quirked an eyebrow at me, and I suddenly found it quite an issue to swallow.

"No, in fact I haven't. Now that I think about it... I believe that would be a nice thing to do. Would you like to come with me?" she asked. Oh dear, oh dear…what was I to do then? I had to think quickly.

"Well, you see, I must stay here and make sure that Thackery has buried the hole properly, giving the fact that it was a spoon he used." I excused myself.

"EY!" cried Thackery, sounding most offended. Though, I simply ignored him and continued.

"You see, in Underland, whenever a hole isn't buried properly, it hollows itself out! All that work for nothing…could you fathom it?" I asked her as I placed my hands on the table and leaned towards Alice, patiently awaiting her answer.

Good heavens, I so very much disliked lying to the girl! But this was a matter I needed to discuss, much preferred without her company.

I sat and waited, her puzzled expression faded into a believing one as she stood up brushed her skirt into place.

"Very well, then. Mally, would you mind coming with me? I assure you, we won't be long."

Mally nodded, more at me than anyone else, and hopped off of my shoulder. She scurried over to Alice where she climbed into one of the pockets along the waist line of her skirt, just enough so she were able to peek above it.

"Fairfarren All!" she shouted to us as Alice turned and walked in the direction of the mushroom forest.

When they both were out of sight, I gently pushed my teacup out from in front of me and let my head fall onto the tabletop, breathing a heavy sigh of relief as I did so.

"Tarrant, there is obviously something you wish to discuss with us about Alice if you went so far as to lie to her in order to be without her for the moments time." mused Chessur, causing me to flinch at the words 'lie' and 'Alice' connected by the word 'to'.

I looked up at Thackery and Chessur. Chessur looked anxious to hear what I had to say whilst Thackery had his arms crossed, his face occupied with a terrible glare in my direction.

"EY! SO ME SPOON AIN'T GOO' 'NOUGH FOR THE LIKES O' YE, EH, TARRANT?" he shouted at me, hurling a teacup in my direction with full force.

The frightful thing about this was that I had barely dodged it and did so only enough so it wouldn't harm me physically…but my hat…oh…my SWEET, PRECIOUS HAT! It had tea and sugar all over it! The scarf was stained a dark brown and the hat pins were steaming with the fresh tea that now indolently dripped from them…and the brim…the brim…good heavens, the tea formed a pool within it! I feared that if I had so much as flinched, all the tea would come pouring down on me. Me or hat…me or hat…oh, what did it matter? I took the hat off of my head and took the nearest handkerchief next to me, trying to dab as much of it off as much as I possibly could…the hat itself didn't look any different than it had before the flying teacup, thank heavens… but I was completely certain that a new scarf would need to be made.

…Suddenly I so desperately wished that my old friend wasn't so entirely mad anymore.

I took a deep breath and placed the newly-colored hat on my head once again, thinking happy thoughts that didn't threaten to trigger my madness. Thoughts like Frabjous day and mushrooms, muchness and Alice…Alice, with her long, beautiful flowing hair…it reminded me of sunrise, sunset…and her eyes…they were a vibrant blue. So incredibly blue, they could have well passed as crystals. And her scent…like lilacs and honey. Suddenly, I had felt the compulsion to inhale her once again…but that thought was pushed out as I was reminded of another situation that involved Alice. The matter I needed to discuss.

"Thackery, it was a lie! Falsehood! Your spoon did perfectly fine! I just had to lead Alice away in order to tell the both of you something!" I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh…so very sorry, Tarrant." muttered Thackery as he shrunk underneath the table.

"Its…quite alright, I suppose…I will just…have to sew a new scarf. Anyway, what I have been wanting to tell the both of you obviously concerns Alice." I told them and they both nodded their heads, waiting for me to continue.

"You see, it hadn't been apparent to me until the Tweedles had mentioned it…and since the Tweedles had mentioned it, I have been thinking about it an awful lot lately. So much so that I might have just lost half of my muchness today because of it…and contrariwise-"

I was cut off by Chessur as he said: "Good heavens, Tarrant, get to it."

"Oh…yes…of course. Do forgive me. What I need to say is that I-" quite suddenly, the thought wouldn't come out. I found it extremely difficult to say aloud.

"Umm…well…you see…I quite…that is…I very much…sort of…may in fact…fancy… the one and only Alice?" I finally ended with a questioning tone.

Thackery's mouth fell open and his teacup went crashing to the ground. Chessur's grin spread so far, I almost feared that the corners might come off of his face.

"Tell her, Tarrant." he told me, and I could feel a terribly violent blush cross my features.

"Certainly not!…besides…you heard what she said a while back…'she doesn't care for mad people'." I quoted her in an almost scarily perfect imitation of her voice, hanging my head afterwards.

"Oh, Tarrant. I'm sure that's not quite how she said it! Besides-"

"Forget it, Chess." I cut him off, his grin fading slightly.

"But Tarrant…this is very important! If you wish for her to stay, you will tell her!" he demanded, causing me to grow quite angry at his blatant disregard of what I was getting at.

"Did you not hear what I said before, cat? She doesn't care for mad people! Doesn't. Care!" I practically shouted at him, my expression going blank as I tried so very hard to compose myself. "Besides…who's to say that she feels the same way about me as I do for her? …I happen to be a clown-like, galumphing madman. And she's…good lord…she's…flawless. I am nowhere near anything she needs me to be." I stated in a quiet, heartbroken tone.

Suddenly, Thackery himself had gained the courage to voice his opinion.

"T-Tarrant…you could always….try ta' be not so mad!"

My eyes widened at his suggestion and I suddenly found that he might've been absolutely right!

"That's just it, isn't it? She doesn't like mad people…so I shan't be my normally mad self! I shall be the sanest person in all of Underland! Oh, Thackery! What a most magnificent idea!" I cried as I stood up and began pacing back and forth.

"Really, Tarrant. you mustn't believe such things. She doesn't seem to mind your madness in the slightest! …Especially after seeing that little scene between the two of you in the mushroom forest earlier." Chessur pointed out, and I could almost hear his sarcastic grin.

My eyes widened as I suddenly realized that he had been watching the entire time. Bloody evaporating skills…if he wasn't so quick at disappearing, I would have drenched him in tea a good long time ago!

"Hush up, you pilgar-lickering excuse for an eavesdropping feline!" I hissed, causing his grin to fade entirely. I, of course, ignored him and continued my thinking. "The question is…how can I…that is…how shall I unmadify myself? Hmm?" I asked as I continued my pacing. I heard Chessur sigh and Thackery chuckled madly.

"Well, for starters, you should attempt to lose that insufferable lisp of yours." said Chessur, which offended me greatly…I knew I had a lisp but never did I find it insufferable. Though thankfully, I was able to brush it off.

"Yes, yes, you're absolutely right. I shall put my very best efforts into losing my lisp. Anything else?" I asked.

"Yes. You have to do your very best in not losing your head at random times. Control your temper." Chessur informed me, and I realized that that would be a terribly hard thing to do…but I would manage it!

"Anything else?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes…you can't sing nursery rhymes any longer." he continued, and I felt my head snap back as though I had been slapped.

"N-no more…nursery rhymes…you don't say." I mumbled, causing Chessur to nod at me.

"N-Not even Twinkle, twinkle, little bat?" I asked in a soft, hoping whisper.

"_Especially _not Twinkle, Twinkle, little bat." he affirmed.

"Oh, No fair!" whined Thackery, causing myself to lower my head in defeat.

"Oh yes! There are a few more things! There shan't be anymore riddle sharing, or futterwackening, or pondering of the things that begin with the letter M." he told me and once again, I heard a teacup fall out of Thackery's paws and crash to the floor.

"NO RIDDLES? NO FUTTERWACKENING? OH NO!" he practically screamed, and quite suddenly I felt my eyes tear up.

"S-So that would mean…that I am to completely transform myself in personality…in attitude…and in…in…"

"Appearance?" Chessur finished.

"Must I?" I asked, hoping so very much that I wouldn't have to.

"I'm afraid so, Hatter. You might have to do something about that mess of hair…and I daresay, you wouldn't dress the way you are now…and the eyebrows, good heavens, they need to be fixed as well. I would tell you to wash the makeup off of your face, but sadly that is your natural skin tone. You aren't able to do anything about that." he told me, and I had to grasp the table to prevent myself from falling to my knees.

"Oh…and one more thing…" continued Chessur.

"Wh-What is it?" I asked, regretting my asking.

"The hat…a sane person would not have such a bedraggled thing adorn their head." he finished, and this time I did fall to my knees.

"N-no…you haven't any idea how much I care for it…you haven't the slightest idea…its.."

"In fact, I do know how much it means to you, Tarrant. I could hold on to it for you until you win Alice over, if you'd like." he offered. If I had the strength, I would have attempted to strangle him. This was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him. By the way he had given all those suggestions, it was as though he had been waiting ages for this moment! Bloody cat! Suddenly I thought about Alice…I did so very much care for the girl…and if I was to give up my hat, then so be it.

I shakily took the hat off of my head and held it to my chest, bidding it goodbye before Chessur evaporated next to me and took it out of my hands. He placed it on his head and if I hadn't had Alice on my mind, it might have killed me.

"NO HAT! TARRANT IS NOT TARRANT WITHOUT HIS HAT!" Thackery cried, and Chessur simply grinned at me.

"Precisely." he whispered.

"B-But Chess…I-"

"Still willing to unmadden yourself even after hearing all of the changes that you are expected to go through?" he asked me, his grin broadening as I peered up at him, feeling the tears overflow slightly. I had to blink as quickly as possible so they wouldn't fall.

"Chessur…I haven't any idea how to not be mad…I can't even have an everyday conversation without the fear of losing my head. Would you help me, Chess? Would you help me unmadden myself for Alice?" I asked him, and his grin faded.

"Oh? Has my hearing failed me…or is this what I think it is? The great Hatter, who has ever since Horenvendush day, loathed me and had always held a grudge against me…asking for…my help?" he asked in a mockingly shocked tone.

My eyes widened, and I suddenly remembered why I had held a grudge against him in the first place.

"I have changed my mind. The hat, if you please." I said as I made a gesture to myself, causing Chessur to pout at me.

"Oh, Tarrant…I was only bantering you. Now, I shall help you become sane…but it shan't be easy." he informed me, and I nodded my head in understanding.

"You must come with me so that we may brush up on your appearance first. Maybe then you might loose a bit of the feeling of being mad, no?"

I smiled lightly, ignoring my precious hat on his furry…no doubt flee-infested head and stood up, as shaky as ever.

"Ey! Tarrant! I wan' ta' come along too!" Thackery pleaded, hopping out of his chair.

"No! You must stay here and make an excuse for us not being here when Alice returns!" I told him, causing him to pout a bit.

"But I don' know how ta' make excuses as well as you do!" he cried, causing me to think a bit.

"Oh! I know! Tell them that Chessur has stolen my hat and I went on a search to look for him!" I told him.

"B-But Hatter! That would be lyin'!" he argued. I then realized that I had to lie to him in order for him to lie for me, contrariwise, in order for him to lie for me, I had to lie to him.

"It isn't a lie, Thackery! It is a distraction! And I need you to do it so that I can become unmad!" I begged him.

Thackery hung his head dejectedly, and I walked over to him and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"Thank you, old friend. You have my everlasting gratitude." I told him as we walked in the direction of the old windmill…the place where I currently lived.

_End chapter_

**Oh dear…what is to happen to our poor Hatter next?…all you have to do in order to find out is tell me what you think! :D**


	3. A sane Hatter, an utter disaster

**Alrighty! Here's the third chapter! Terribly sorry for the delay! I was withgoing a very tormenting writers block. And thank you to all who have reviewed so far!**

**Disclaimer: **As you all know, I do not own Alice in Wonderland.

**Chapter three: **A sane hatter…an utter disaster

"Oh come on out, Tarrant! Your being unreasonable!" I heard Chessur call outside the windmill.

"No! I look utterly Outlandish! I refuse to come out! I shall stay in here all day if I must!" I shouted through the closed door.

"Good heavens, you are acting much like a stubborn child! This is no way a sane person would act!" I heard the Chessur answer, his voice uncharacteristically stern.

"Perhaps I rather enjoy being mad! I couldn't be sane even if I tried! Contrariwise, even if I tried, I couldn't be sane! I am mad! Thus the name 'Mad Hatter'! My name declares it, my choice of friends declare it, my appearance declares it and it shan't be changed as of late! Mad…fez…NAUGHT FOR USAL!" I heard myself shout the Outland term for 'There's no use trying' as my eyes began their itching pain once more.

It is a rather unpleasant feeling, it is. Its feels as though someone had sprayed me in the eyes with murnawrack juice. Murnawrack juice comes from the deadly mumarish plant and is only located in the Outlands. The White queen sometimes sends the Tweedles to collect the plant so that she may…_attempt _to perfect it into a weapon of self-defense…for other residents of Underland, of course. It is against her vows to harm any living creature, so she most certainly wouldn't concoct it for herself. Besides, No one else dares come in contact with it either because it is known to cause an incredibly uncomfortable itch…and soon after, disintegrates the flesh that once covered the place it had come in contact with. The Outlands are a terribly terrible place…even more so now that the Red Queen and the Knave are occupying there at this very moment.

Anyways, Chessur called out "Hatter!" causing me to snap back into reality and realize the predicament that I was in.

"Very well…" I mumbled, opening the door to reveal myself to Chessur…and to whomever else was lurking in the Tulgey ruins. I had to fight myself from retching as I looked back inside where a mirror stood at the corner of the first room. I hadn't looked at all like my normal self! My eyes were now dark and murky looking as though grey clouds were swimming around in them, which fit my mood flawlessly… and my hair, after what seemed like many hours of Chessur having torn and pulled at it with a brush, was now slicked back and ridded of its usual tangled, curly mess. The more I looked at it, the more I thought of how much it had precisely resembled the Knave…Illosovic Stayne. I had to fight back a shudder.

My clothes were just as dull and austere and it had taken many moments of Chessur's convincing in order for me to forcibly wear the tormenting garments. Neither of them had any embroidery adorning them and the colors practically screamed 'FRUMP'! It hadn't helped the fact that I was without my arsenal of thread as well as my pincushion ring, my scissors and other tools of my trade occupying my pockets, or my gloves that I would wear in order to prevent injury with the needle as I was hatting. Speaking of hatting, in the midst of my transformation I was told by Chessur that I was not to hat anymore. What was the hatter with me? I was an utter stranger to myself! Wait a moment…that phrase did not fit me at all considering my being completely torn from all things fun and hatterish...so I couldn't say that their was anything the hatter with me, giving the reprehensible fact that their was absolutely nothing 'hatter' about me any longer.

"Ah..._there_ we are. That wasn't so terrible, now was it?" asked Chessur as I looked at him despondently.

Suddenly, my Scottish accent became noticeable as I shifted my eyes to the ground and muttered; "Ey, ya' Shunking mammoricking feline, hush up and let's ge' this over with."

Chessur nodded and evaporated, reappearing five feet ahead.

"Coming?" he asked. I nodded miserably, my eyes never leaving the ground as I trudged along behind him.

The trip to Thackery's tea table was just as horrifying as the experience at the windmill, if not, more so. The flowers stared at me in astonishment as we walked past them and I could hear whispering amidst themselves.

"Who is that?" a daisy asked one of the daffodils.

"Haven't the slightest idea! I've never seen him before!" answered the daffodil.

Chessur grinned and whispered back to them. "Why of course you have. He's Tarrant Hightopp. The Hatter!"

The Daffodils eyes widened, and it whirled around to look at me.

"That's not the Hatter! Its an imposter! Bloody imposter! Pretending to be the Hatter!" the daisy nodded in approval, and all of the other flowers began chanting in unison; "Imposter! Not the Hatter! Imposter!"

I glared at them in the fiercest way imaginable, wanting so desperately to mention that I was exceptionally skilled at sewing and could make a chain out of them in a moments time. But, I fought against it and stomped away from them, continuing in the direction of the tea table.

The flowers weren't the only ones who were astounded beyond comprehension. A few toves stopped and stared at me as I walked by them…could you fathom it? _Toves_, I tell you! The most uncontrollable bird in all of Underland! And I am most certain that two or more bread-and-butterflies had ran into a tree as they were most distracted by my appearance. Lovely. Not only did I look dull and tasteless, but I also wreaked havoc wherever I went.

Though finally, we made it to Thackery's home. My insides turned and flipped sideways as I saw that Alice and Mally had already arrived. I backed away a bit, thinking that maybe being mad wasn't such a bad thing after all and Chessur had to get behind me and push me in the direction of the tea table.

Mally was the first to see me and her mouth fell open, her paws covering it soon after.

"Dear Lord! Hatter, what's happened to you?" she squeaked, expressing exactly what Alice's facial features had looked like. It was a combination between shocked, mortified, confused, sickened…I could go about this all day.

I straightened up a bit, remembering what Chessur had said as I forced my eyes to look into Alice's exquisite blue ones.

"Happened to me? I'm afraid I haven't any idea what you are asking, Mally. I feel as normal as ever!" I assured her in a most non-lispy voice, looking over at Chessur in time to see him wink at me. He was still wearing my hat…I was surprised at everyone for not noticing. By now I would have attempted to strangle him, behead him with a butter knife, slice his tail off with a spoon… my usual, habitual Chessur-hating.

"Exactly my point, Hatter! You aren't normal! Normal isn't you! Not ever!" she squeaked in disapproval.

I took a seat next to Alice, picking up a teacup and sipping tea out of it, trying to ignore the staring in my direction. Finally, Alice decided to speak.

"Hatter…you aren't at all like yourself! And what is Chessur doing with _your _hat?" she asked me as she rested a hand on my shoulder. Oh…perhaps she _had _noticed. I began to panic and made an attempt at changing the subject.

"Ummm…y-yes…well…speaking of mushrooms, what were we doing before Alice had left to see Absolem?" I asked, so very proud of my non-lispyness as well as my change of subject. I am quite talented at that, you know. I have been known to change thirty subjects in a matter of minutes! And everyone would continue to follow along with what was said as though it were the same topic from the very start! But that's one of the many miraculous things about Underland!…there were two 'M' words in that sentence…NO! What a naughty Hatter I am! Focus! Anyways, you are able to get away with most anything and have nobody notice as long as it doesn't bring harm…though to my dismay, my change of sanity wasn't one of those anythings.

Alice frowned at me, and I am most certain that my face had drained of all color. You may be thinking; 'What a strange thing to say, Tarrant! Your face just may be the palest I have ever seen on a living thing!' Well you see, when I become nervous or frightened, the color adorning the beneath of my eyes as well as my eyelids fade away completely and I look as though I were a painting that had its skin color forgotten to be painted on. That irks a painting quite greatly. For if a painting goes unfinished, say, a color was missing…or a part of its body had been halfway done or not at all because you may be exhausted of painting for that day…and you leave it that way for a certain period of time, the painting shan't let you hear the end of it regardless of whether it had been finished the next day or not. …I have learned this lesson from personal experience. Dear me…I really mustn't continue changing subjects…despite how amazingly, stupendously wonderful I am at it.

At last, after a moment of very uncomfortable silence between Alice and I, (The reason I say 'Alice and I' is because during that moment, Thackery got a spoon filled with honey caught and tangled in the fur in between his ears after trying to lob it at Mally and was whimpering and shouting as Mally was hanging from one of his ears, trying to pull it out.) her mouth twitched into a terribly devious smirk and I found myself gasping at it.

"Oh yes! I do remember, Tarrant! I was about to ask you whether you have figured out your little riddle in my absence!" Alice stated. Quite suddenly my tea refused to go down my throat, leaving me choking and gasping in surprise and trepidation.

"L-Little…r-riddle? I'm afraid I haven't the slightest idea about what you're saying." I coughed, hearing Chessur let out a heavy sigh of relief as he was clearly grateful that all his hard work hadn't been shattered before his very eyes…barlom-muckish feline…hadn't cared about my pain and torment in the very slightest.

"The one about the raven and the…the…um…" Alice trailed off, as she had clearly forgotten the rest of the riddle.

"…Writing desk?…" I finished for her in a soft, regretful whisper. Chessur threw a paw to his face and shook his head in disbelief. Thackery lobbed a scone at my head, though I was certain that it hadn't anything to do with the situation

"Ah! Yes! That's the one! You mustn't tell me you've forgotten it, Tarrant! You had asked me that very riddle at least four times when I was here last!" she told me, her eyes glinting mischievously. She was onto me, I was certain of it. What on earth was going on? I knew that she had once said that she didn't enjoy being around mad people…so why was she trying to make me act like my mad self? It hadn't made any sense, though it did happen to annoy me to the highest extent. it had gotten on my nerves even more than the Tweedles had. And that is saying something serious if you had ever heard them bicker at one another for five hours straight. I wish I were still friends with time. He could quite possibly have made it seem like one hour if I had asked really nicely.

"I…I'm terribly sorry, Alice. I do not partake in…r-riddle sharing…a-as of late." I found these words so incredibly difficult to force out. I had to focus all my mental ability on arranging them properly and suddenly, my lisp did not matter to me any longer. I heard Chessur groan in disapproval and I ignored him. I found that I would be much better off being a sane, lispy me rather than being a mad, lispy me. And if I had mentioned it to Chessur, I'm sure he would have thoroughly agreed. Besides…what did it matter? I was completely certain that what he was thinking had been 'A_s long as the Hatter isn't mad, he won't want his hat'. _Oh, how wrong he was. In fact, as soon as this predicament was over, I planned on marching straight over to Chessur and demand that he return my hat to me at once!…That is…if this predicament _ever_ planned on ending.

Alice looked at me as though I were joking, but her smile faded as she found that I was completely serious. Once Mally had finally gotten that dastardly spoon out of Thackery's fur, Alice motioned her over to us, lowering her head and whispering in her ear when she had arrived. …This was certainly not good. I could tell by the way Mally had nodded and scurried over to me. Her next words proved me so terribly right.

"Hey, Hatter! I am quite in the mood for a song! What shall we sing? What song?" she asked me as she tugged on the sleeve of my coat. ...Oh _no_. I had a dreadful feeling about where this was headed.

Alice looked over at her and smiled warmly. "It should be something fun and something that we all know! A nursery rhyme!"

My hands clenched the edge of the tabletop so very tightly that their shaking could be felt vibrating throughout the table. _NO! _my mind screamed. _This isn't happening! This isn't fair! I was so close! I was so very close to not being mad! _I began thinking of reasons why not to give up so suddenly in order to prevent myself from losing everything I had so successfully done.

_Alright…this isn't quite so impossible…this is for Alice, afterall!...Sweet, Muchness-filled, Beautiful Alice! You are able to resist it!...That is...as long as they don't sing-_

"Ooh! I know! Let's sing Twinkle twinkle, little bat!" Mally declared.

_Yes…that exact song. Thank you for finishing for me, Mally dear. _I thought bitterly as I let my head fall onto the tabletop.

I looked up to see Alice stand on her chair, holding a spoon and positioning herself as a conductor would. "Alright, everyone! On the count of three! One…"

_Resist it, Tarrant._

Two…"

_Its not that much of a splendiferous song anyway!_

"…Three!"

_NO!_

They All began to sing and I felt myself tremble with the need to sing along with them. Why this song? They had planned this! They had to have! What other explanation was there for it being _'Twinkle twinkle, little bat_? The specific nursery rhyme that I had so very much adored! Of all things! I knew I couldn't resist much longer. I so very much couldn't. I was much like Thackery and his urge to hurl silverware and dishes at his guests. He couldn't last more than three minutes…I was certain that my limit was even less.

_Twinkle twinkle, little bat!_

_How I wonder what your at! _

My mind sang along with them. No! I couldn't _think_ about singing it either! If I did, It was most certain that I was going to sing it out of absent-mindedness! I couldn't let that happen!

_Up above the world you fly!_

_Like a tea tray in the sky!_

_Twinkle twin-_

I needed to get out of there, I had to leave before I lost my senses completely. The fury was building inside of me, threatening to bubble over as the riddles and song verses flooded my head, circling it anxiously as though begging to be let out by voice.

With one swift motion, I shot out of my chair, tripping over the spoon that Thackery had left on the ground after having buried the hole to Upperland (it was a terribly _large_ spoon...one might mistaken it for a ladel.), and fled into the Tulgey woods before anyone could say otherwise, leaving very confused tea party guests behind me in the midst of my panic.

_End chapter_

**Chapter four is almost ready, guys! Please keep reviewing! It makes me a very happy puffer fish! Pretty please? X3**


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